


Ruins

by daisychaser



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Drabble, Grief, Other, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-04-05 07:06:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4170597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisychaser/pseuds/daisychaser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How do you grieve over someone who hasn't died yet, but is dead on the inside?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ruins

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by this http://eternalfrowning.tumblr.com/post/121447771099/at-first-i-just-wanted-to-draw-the-little-mouse

The bed felt unusually cold as Chie lied there, with eyes wide open staring at the plain ceiling above her. Things of this kind had rarely bored her. She could spend hours watching paint dry or stay still in grassy meadows as the world continued on without her. She was an outside and because of her habits, she would stay like that as Chie did not want to change, she was happy with how she was. But she wasn't happy with how things were.  
It wasn't that school was getting too tough, as she was adjusting just fine to that, and her part time job wasn't too bad either. She was quite well adjusted, but she really didn't know what was bothering her. Was the world trying to tell her that she had forgotten something important?  
Lifelessly, Chie picked up her phone to check the time. She did not have an alarm clock. She simply used her phone simply because it was much more efficient and customizable. Chie liked having the option to choose, even though she kept everything to factory defaults. She really didn't need to change it that would involve a tedious amount of work if she wanted everything to her taste exactly. The things that were different from any brand new phone, were the apps she had downloaded and her background, the skyline of Tokyo. She had taken it when she was with Shuu. Shuu wanted to show off the new helicopter that his father had bought, and Chie decided to tag along.  
The photo was taken three years ago, when Shuu was healthy. When he wanted to show everything off, including Chie. She somewhat missed the wild nights with Shuu, she missed all the chaos that they had caused. They had lived in the moment, they both indulged themselves in the pleasures that life had offered them and not once did they think twice. They were spontaneous, wild and free.  
Her thumb tapped the home button on the phone, lighting up the screen. It was only a few minutes past midnight, usually she would be in bed by ten, eleven if she had some work to do, it made so sense that he body didn't register that it was late of the even. Then she saw it, as she closed the phone. It was the second of March, and that made Chie's heart skip a beat. Tomorrow, not when she woke but the day after, would be Shuu's twenty fifth birthday.  
When they were younger, Shuu would speak of extravagant parties that would never happen. He had planned birthday parties every year, but he never went through with his plans, they were too risky. The chefs that worked at the Tsukiyama household probably did not know how to make cake, he explained, and that would reveal the Tsukiyamas as ghouls. Chie laughed at such absurd theories, as she explained to him that she could taste the cakes before they served them, to make sure they tasted good. Shuu usually dismissed such ideas and called them ' foolish '.  
Dropping her phone to the side, Chie began to think about Shuu. She really hadn't given his condition much thought since Kanae had limited how many times she could visit him as of late.. Kanae had specifically told her to stay away, and that she was making a fool of Shuu by bringing him random people's underwear and making fun of the roses in the rose garden.  
Every now and again she’d visit him, but it became less frequent as her studies became harder. At some point she had to draw the line, and with Shuu, after three years of depression she had very slowly started giving up on him. She promised herself that she wouldn't miss him, and for a long while she didn't. He was in the past, and Chie was walking away, she didn't need him. She never needed him.  
But really, it was a poor attempt at dealing with her grief. More than anyone, other than possibly Kanae, she was affected by Shuu's ungraceful fall into depression. He was her best friend, even though she hated saying it out loud. They were an unlikely pair of friends, but they shared the same enthusiasm for their passions. They were both lonely before, not finding someone that fully understood their oddities.  
Chie bit the inside of her cheek as she came to the realization that she missed him. She felt overwhelmed with a tidal wave of emotion that she had never experienced before. Never before, had she actually thought about how distant she and Shuu had become.  
Chie clenched the sheets of her bed, twisting them into tight balls. She had never felt such a shock of sadness at once. She realized that in the three years that Shuu had been bedridden, and refused to eat anything, she had not cried. Not even once. She cried over other things, like her parent's divorce, and the death of her beloved Polaroid camera. But they could not be considered real tears, as they were just used to guilt trip someone.  
She was avoiding the inventible, Chie struggled to keep in a cry.  
A long time ago, as a teenager, Chie had decided that emotions were unnecessary, she never actually felt anything in her life as she was apathetic towards everything that approached her. Everything was easier that way. Everything was easier when you didn’t care about anyone or anything. Hell, Chie didn't even care that much for herself. Being alive was more of an annoyance than anything.  
A volcanic eruption would have been less violent than Chie's tears. She couldn't keep everything in anymore as she thought about Shuu. No, she did not love him, but he was the only person who gave a damn about her. Shuu was the one that made sure she wasn't eaten by ghouls. Sometimes he even walked her home.  
She attempted to choke back her tears, biting on the inside of her palm. Oh God, she was pathetic. She was just as bad Kanae now. Chie, sat up in her bed, almost afraid that she might stop breathing if she continued to lie down. Her tears were warm against her otherwise cold skin. Her cheeks were flushed with red.  
Chie felt like she was going to vomit if she had continued to cry. Her stomach hurt for some reason. She began coughing as she was crying, something not so uncommon with humans.  
Burying her face into her hands, Chie used the sleeves of her pajamas to soak up the tears around her eyes. She did not want to be seen crying. It was pathetic, but my was it so therapeutic to finally come to terms with the sadness that has been plaguing her for the past few years.  
It took only a few minutes for her to stop crying. She didn’t feel that much better, she felt like utter shit. But she felt as if a ( small ) burden was lifted off her chest.  
She wiped away the last of her tears with her pajamas and rolled out of bed. She needed to go for a walk or to go photograph something. She’d feel better after that.


End file.
